“Life as a Single Parent Part 3 – Dealing with someone else’s children”

Abe, Bertha, & Carlita

Abe and Bertha dated for a year and a half before getting married.  They both have 2 children each from prior marriages.  They both have custody of their children. Bertha has 2 boys ages 7, and 11.  Abe has a boy 6 and a girl by the name of Carlita age 12. 

While dating, they had a very difficult time trying to find a balance to deal with their individual children, a fairly new relationship, and now a blended family.  They pondered how it might be once they all came together especially with the 2 older children from their prior marriages.  The 2 kids just seemed to fight all the time.

Bertha found it very difficult if not impossible to deal with Carlita, Abe’s 12 year old daughter.  The girl for some reason appeared to resent her at every turn.  As a matter of fact, everything that went on inside their new home was now being reported to Carlita’s biological mother.  This also caused some problems as Bertha had been numerously accused of trying to take over as mother to Carlita and her little brother.

The struggles between Bertha and Carlita were starting to now take a toll on the marriage.  Bertha told Abe that she favored letting his daughter go stay with her own mother and Abe insisted the kids were better off with him despite the problems they were experiencing.  He also made attempts to assure Bertha things would work out if she would just be a little more patient and give it time.

Bertha also had problems with the way Abe handled discipline in the home between all the children.  She was convinced he favored his own kids over her children and this too caused problems in their marriage. 

It now reached the point, the arguments between Bertha, Abe, Carlita, and Bertha’s 11 year old son were out of control as each child defended his/her own parent  when the fighting started.  The marriage was now in jeopardy as each parent started to take sides.

Deep inside their hearts, Abe and Bertha were madly in love.  Unfortunately, the blended family dynamics caused problems they were not prepared to handle as neither recalled a book on how to emerge a blended family.

Question is: What if anything, could Abe and Bertha have done to intervene or prevent their blended family from getting to this point?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Life as a Single Parent Part 3 – Finding a road that leads to a balance – Dealing with someone else’s children”