“Why do we want Relationships that are not good or the best for us?”

Rosita & Stanley

After several toxic relationships, Rosita decided she would make some drastic changes in her next relationship.  In the past, she often felt she got the bad deal of the situation and would be the one to seemingly always give in.

Rosita is really a kind, loving, and caring person, it’s just that she has made up her mind to have zero tolerance for anyone that refused to see things her way.  Her new attitude is causing her to demonstrate a heart of coldness.  Even some of her close friends saw a change in her that seemed favorable to some and unfavorable to others.

One year after her last relationship she met a really nice guy by the name of Stanley.  Now here’s a guy that had been divorced for 3 years and looking for the right woman to perhaps marry and settle down with.  He is not the kind of guy that plays around and he is very committed to making a relationship work.  His marriage ended because he could no longer put up with the mental abuse from his wife.

He met Rosita at a party of a mutual friend.  They spent most of the evening together dancing and seeming to really have a lot of fun.  He discovered she was not seeing anyone and asked her out.  She accepted and after a few dates decided to give it a try at a relationship.

I must say, Stanley was really physically attracted to Rosita because his thoughts were usually centered on her beauty.   He took little time to get to know anything about her personality or compatibility factors.  She did not spend time learning anything about him as well.

It really didn’t take 3 months into the relationship for Stanley to fall madly in love with Rosita.  It must have happened at first sight because that’s how he’s behaved since meeting her.

Rosita on the other hand was intentionally guarding her heart and loved Stanley but was not exactly in love with him.  As a matter of fact, her strength was in her conviction to maintain her zero tolerance towards anyone that did not see things her way.

Six months and going strong Stanley was now catching the wrath of Ms. Rosita as her new attitude was in full force.  She was treating this brother with every bit of mental abuse imaginable.  Some of the abuse included, embarrassing him in public by putting him down, not showing up on time or being ready on time for their outings, talking at him instead of talking to him, calling him unpleasant names, disrespecting him in front of other men, talking excessively on the cell phone to friends when they are out on a date, and the list could go on.

Stanley would often tell her how this would make him feel and the pain it was causing him.  She acted as if she really didn’t care about his feelings or what he thought for that matter.

Stanley would often complain to family and friends who encouraged him to get out of the relationship.  Despite all this, Stanley was deeply in love with Rosita and did not want to be without her.  After 2 ½ years he was still there settled in an unhappy, rather toxic relationship just like a number of other people.

The question is: Is Stanley alone in this type of abusive relationship where he is unhappy but can’t find the strength to leave?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Why do we want relationships that are not good or the best for us?”

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