“Is it really just a Friend”

Gabriella & Hector

Gabriella and Hector have been dating for the past 2 ½ years.  They agreed to remain faithful to each other as most relationships venture to do.  Gabriella was an exceptional woman in that she did the things that take place in some traditional relationships.  Although they did not live together, she would often prepare meals for him and sometimes iron his clothes for him.

Hector had no complaints about Gabriella, she is a woman that he vowed to marry when the time is right.  Gabriella could not figure out why it was taking him so long to make up his mind about getting married.  Even though she was emotionally attached, her patience was running out.

Hector worked as a Postal Worker and has been on his job for over 12 years.  Gabriella worked as a Secretary with 10 years on her job. They both had a good selection of friends, some of which became mutual friends.

It was not uncommon for Hector to be on the phone at any given moment which sometimes bothered Gabriella because like any couple, she wants quality time. On occasion, Hector would excuse himself from her presence to talk on the phone as if it were a private conversation.  Because it would happen so often, Gabriella was starting to take offense to this.  She confronted him about it and he would often dodge the question by putting it off to something else.

One day while visiting with Gabriella while she was preparing dinner for them, Hector went outside of her apartment to return a phone call that appeared to be burning up his phone.  Gabriella heard each time his cell phone rang and did not bother to ask any questions.  She was in fact annoyed by this.  He remained outside for at least 20 minutes and appeared to be in a smooth conversation.  He was so involved into his conversation he failed to hear Gabriella calling out to him several times to let him know that dinner was ready.

He ended his call and came inside and Gabriella feeling somewhat rejected, asked him who was on the phone, he responded by simply saying to her; “Oh, it’s just a friend.”

Question is: Is Gabriella really that naïve to think that he needs that much privacy to talk with his friends?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Is it really just a friend?”

“Life as a Single Parent Part 3 – Dealing with someone else’s children”

Abe, Bertha, & Carlita

Abe and Bertha dated for a year and a half before getting married.  They both have 2 children each from prior marriages.  They both have custody of their children. Bertha has 2 boys ages 7, and 11.  Abe has a boy 6 and a girl by the name of Carlita age 12. 

While dating, they had a very difficult time trying to find a balance to deal with their individual children, a fairly new relationship, and now a blended family.  They pondered how it might be once they all came together especially with the 2 older children from their prior marriages.  The 2 kids just seemed to fight all the time.

Bertha found it very difficult if not impossible to deal with Carlita, Abe’s 12 year old daughter.  The girl for some reason appeared to resent her at every turn.  As a matter of fact, everything that went on inside their new home was now being reported to Carlita’s biological mother.  This also caused some problems as Bertha had been numerously accused of trying to take over as mother to Carlita and her little brother.

The struggles between Bertha and Carlita were starting to now take a toll on the marriage.  Bertha told Abe that she favored letting his daughter go stay with her own mother and Abe insisted the kids were better off with him despite the problems they were experiencing.  He also made attempts to assure Bertha things would work out if she would just be a little more patient and give it time.

Bertha also had problems with the way Abe handled discipline in the home between all the children.  She was convinced he favored his own kids over her children and this too caused problems in their marriage. 

It now reached the point, the arguments between Bertha, Abe, Carlita, and Bertha’s 11 year old son were out of control as each child defended his/her own parent  when the fighting started.  The marriage was now in jeopardy as each parent started to take sides.

Deep inside their hearts, Abe and Bertha were madly in love.  Unfortunately, the blended family dynamics caused problems they were not prepared to handle as neither recalled a book on how to emerge a blended family.

Question is: What if anything, could Abe and Bertha have done to intervene or prevent their blended family from getting to this point?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Life as a Single Parent Part 3 – Finding a road that leads to a balance – Dealing with someone else’s children”

“Life as a Single Parent Part 2 – Dealing with a Relationship”

Xavier, Yohan, & Zaline

Zaline and Xavier had been married for 11 years and now divorced for 4 years.  They have 3 kids together.  For the past 3 ½ years their relationship has been rather amicable to say the least. 

Xavier was often involved in his children lives despite the fact their mother has custody.  As a matter of fact, Xavier had been in and out relationships that never really interfered with his relationship with Zaline or the kids.  Well…..that was until Zaline met Yohan a Real Estate Broker that took a serious interest in her.

Zaline and Yohan had been dating about 4 months when Xavier found out after overhearing one of the kids boast about him.  Xavier questioned his kids about their mother’s relationship with Yohan.  All the kids agreed Yohan was a really nice guy that seemed to make their mother happy.  This angered Xavier probably because he knew  Zaline was a good woman that he messed up on.  Despite his relationships with others, he still had a great deal of love in his heart for Zaline and of course he couldn’t see another man coming in and playing father to his kids, particularly one they all seemed to like.

He approached Zaline about this in a rather hostile manner and of course she told him her relationship with someone else was not his business.  Their only involvement is about the concerns of the children and that’s it!  This too angered Xavier to the point it caused baby daddy drama to her relationship with Yohan.

This became so intense for Yohan until he was reconsidering the relationship.  Zaline assured him that she could handle the situation which gave him the confidence to not give up the good things they shared together.

After a while, Xavier got involved into another relationship and cooled down when he realized Zaline was not threatened by his foolishness in trying to control her when she has no obligation to him outside of their children.

The Question is: Did Zaline handle her business by telling Xavier her affairs outside of their children were in fact, none of his business?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Life as a Single Parent Part 2 – Finding the road that leads to a balance – Dealing with a Relationship…….

“Life as a Single Parent Part 1 Finding a Road that Leads to a balance -Dealing with your own Children”

Victoria & Wallace

Victoria and Wallace had been married for 12 years and together have three children, two girls and a boy.  The children are aged, 4, 8, and 10.  One day Wallace told Victoria he was leaving her for another woman and he did it the exact same day he told her.

Victoria was really in love with Wallace and did not see it coming.  As a matter of fact she had no clue.  She spent most of her time so engrossed in the marriage and family she took little time for other things.

Well reality struck and she was now faced with having to raise three small children on her own and deal with the fact her husband walked out on her to be with another woman leaving her to deal with her own emotional issues.

She found it very hard to cope with everything including her job considering Wallace did not cooperate fully with child support payments since he claimed self-employment.

She was now faced with the challenge of getting a second job just to make ends meet.  The problem is, she does not have family nearby and does not know anyone in the new neighborhood that she feels trustworthy to keep her kids.  Now she has to deal with this along with all the other things of being a single parent, which includes but not limit the following:

• Maintaining safety and security for the children
• Ensuring they have food, proper clothing, school uniforms, shoes, shelter and all the necessities of life for them
• Pay the bills as best she could and not usually on time
• Report to her job on a daily basis
• Maintain proper and sufficient health insurance for herself as well as the children
• Maintain her automobile and the bills and challenges associated with such
• She dare not think of another relationship as it is too early for her.

She would often find herself crying repeatedly over not being able to keep up with all the duties and responsibilities associated with being a single parent.  She would seek solace in her two girlfriends that happened to both live in another town.

Despite all this, she continued to do the very best she could to find some balance as a single parent.

Question is: Is there really a road that leads to a balance with life as a single parent?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Life as a single parent Part 1 – Finding the road that leads to a balance – dealing with your own children.”

Does your significant other appear to be more influenced by others than by you?

 

Terrance & Uvonna

Married for 3 ½ years and still trying to be on a somewhat honeymoon, Terrance and Uvonna are for the most part enjoying life together.  There is one small challenge that has the potential to grow into a gigantic problem and that is Terrance listens to his family and friends more than he listens to Uvonna. 

For example, when they have a major decision to make about something in their marriage, instead of taking the proper time to discuss the issue, Terrance does not consult with Uvonna at all.  Instead, he will call his relatives and friends sometimes in the presence of Uvonna and ask them things he should be conferring about with his wife.

This of course makes Uvonna feel as if she has no say in the marriage.  She has often confronted him about it and even cried on numerous occasions about this situation, unfortunately it does not seem to move Mr. Terrance.  In this case he feels as the head of the household it is the man that should be making the final decisions and the woman should follow his lead.

He insisted this was the way his father did things.  Uvonna would remind him this is a different day and women do have a say so in their marriage.  Uvonna pleaded with him to agree to counseling for fear this could cause later damage in their marriage.  Terrance once again refused to listen to her thoughts even about counseling until one day he came home to an empty house.  Uvonna had packed some clothes and moved out.  She did have enough concern for him to leave him the following note:

“When you are really ready to make me a part of this marriage as an equal, listen and respect my views as opposed to immediately picking up the telephone to call your family and friends, then and only then you can come and look for me.”

I love you,

Uvonna

When Mr. Terrance read the note, he immediately picked up the phone to call family and friends but then he paused, he thought about her note; immediately jumped in the car, found her and apologized and begged her to come back and give him another chance with assurance it would be different.  He was so tearfully convincing she never unpacked her overnight bag.

Their marriage is into its seventh year and he has never made that mistake again.

The question is: Why did it have to take her leaving him to get his head upright on his shoulders?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic:  “Does your significant other seem to be more influenced by others than by you?”

 

“Why do we want Relationships that are not good or the best for us?”

Rosita & Stanley

After several toxic relationships, Rosita decided she would make some drastic changes in her next relationship.  In the past, she often felt she got the bad deal of the situation and would be the one to seemingly always give in.

Rosita is really a kind, loving, and caring person, it’s just that she has made up her mind to have zero tolerance for anyone that refused to see things her way.  Her new attitude is causing her to demonstrate a heart of coldness.  Even some of her close friends saw a change in her that seemed favorable to some and unfavorable to others.

One year after her last relationship she met a really nice guy by the name of Stanley.  Now here’s a guy that had been divorced for 3 years and looking for the right woman to perhaps marry and settle down with.  He is not the kind of guy that plays around and he is very committed to making a relationship work.  His marriage ended because he could no longer put up with the mental abuse from his wife.

He met Rosita at a party of a mutual friend.  They spent most of the evening together dancing and seeming to really have a lot of fun.  He discovered she was not seeing anyone and asked her out.  She accepted and after a few dates decided to give it a try at a relationship.

I must say, Stanley was really physically attracted to Rosita because his thoughts were usually centered on her beauty.   He took little time to get to know anything about her personality or compatibility factors.  She did not spend time learning anything about him as well.

It really didn’t take 3 months into the relationship for Stanley to fall madly in love with Rosita.  It must have happened at first sight because that’s how he’s behaved since meeting her.

Rosita on the other hand was intentionally guarding her heart and loved Stanley but was not exactly in love with him.  As a matter of fact, her strength was in her conviction to maintain her zero tolerance towards anyone that did not see things her way.

Six months and going strong Stanley was now catching the wrath of Ms. Rosita as her new attitude was in full force.  She was treating this brother with every bit of mental abuse imaginable.  Some of the abuse included, embarrassing him in public by putting him down, not showing up on time or being ready on time for their outings, talking at him instead of talking to him, calling him unpleasant names, disrespecting him in front of other men, talking excessively on the cell phone to friends when they are out on a date, and the list could go on.

Stanley would often tell her how this would make him feel and the pain it was causing him.  She acted as if she really didn’t care about his feelings or what he thought for that matter.

Stanley would often complain to family and friends who encouraged him to get out of the relationship.  Despite all this, Stanley was deeply in love with Rosita and did not want to be without her.  After 2 ½ years he was still there settled in an unhappy, rather toxic relationship just like a number of other people.

The question is: Is Stanley alone in this type of abusive relationship where he is unhappy but can’t find the strength to leave?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Why do we want relationships that are not good or the best for us?”

“You still got Game!”

Pauline & Quincy

Pauline and Quincy meet in the freshman year of college. They formed an immediate attachment to each other in the very first semester. Pauline was more on the focus side of her studies while Quincy seemed to take school for granted and just barely get by.

They dated throughout their college life experience although it was rocky for several semesters. Pauline’s complaints with Quincy were always about other women that he seemed to somehow find time to flirt with. He even tried to hit on a couple of her friends that happened to be faithful to Pauline and would tell her about him.

Pauline no doubt was in love with Quincy despite the games he played. He had a rather smooth charm about him that would often get the attention of any college female.

The final semester of their college life, unfortunately their relationship came to a painful end. Pauline had become fed up with him seeing other women while dating her. She simply had enough of the games and lies he often told.

Pauline graduated on schedule leaving Quincy to another year in school. They ultimately went their separate ways and would occasionally make contact for about a year after Pauline’s graduation.

Five years later at age 28, Pauline married a guy she knew from her former high school. Their marriage came to a seven year end after Pauline discovered this guy impregnated his ex-girlfriend. They had no children together.

Now at the age of 37, guess who Pauline runs into, you got it, Mr. Man himself, Quincy, looking good as ever, his charm, sharp as a two-edged sword. They were really so happy to see each other. They began a dialogue that turned into several dates and ultimately marriage after about a year.

Five years and doing okay in the marriage they were now a family with two small children, Kathryn 4, and Quincy Jr. 2. They had some problems as most marriages do, but in their case it was still Quincy who showed signs of his past addiction with women. Pauline was a very good wife as well as remarkable mother. She was so happy to have her family.

While out shopping with the kids, Pauline runs into Quincy having a cozy dinner with a woman she never saw before. Earlier that afternoon he phoned and said he would be working until late night. He was working alright but not on his other job.

Pauline respectfully approached Quincy as he took his arm from around the other lady’s chair to collect himself. He was completely shocked to see her and the kids. He spoke and so did the lady who asked who Pauline and those kids were. Pauline without hesitation answered and told her, “I am his wife and these are our children.” Out of total shock, the lady became furious as she told Pauline she’s been dating Quincy for the past 2 years and never knew he had a wife or children.

Pauline looked at him as the other lady now in tears left the table. She said to him with severe pain in her heart, “At 39 years of age, you still got game, my children and I are out of here!” Six months later, Pauline divorced him.

The question is: Is Quincy too old for the game, or is the game too much for him?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “You still got Game!”

“When you start a new Relationship, should you be a “Tell All” about your Past Relationships?”

Neil & Ollie

Neil and Ollie are both in their late thirties. Their relationship is less than 3 months old. They appear to get on well and have lots of fun together. They are both divorced and each have 2 children. Ollie has custody of her children, ages seven and eleven. Neil’s ex-wife has their children, ages six, and fourteen.

They’re both good parents and good people generally speaking. Now that they have become comfortable with each other, Neil has decided he wants to know certain things about Ollie’s past. She in turn does not feel very comfortable talking about her past because she thinks it can cause problems in the relationship. He assures her that nothing she says will be used against her in their relationship. He is willing to tell her about his past relationships with nothing to hide.

After several discussions about this and some 6 months into the relationship, out of frustration Ollie opens up to him and reveals some things that she never cared to revisit. As a matter of fact when she told him about a boyfriend she had prior to her husband, just the way she told the story led Neil to believe she was still in love with this guy after some 12 years.

Neil asked her if she was in fact still in love with him, and Ollie not accustomed to lying told him she thinks so. This brought about further discussions which ultimately led to a rather heated argument. He now accused her of still being in love with someone else while being in a relationship him. She insisted this was a long time ago and that’s one of those unfortunate things. But she also told Neil she was getting to know him as their relationship is still new.

This brought ill feelings to their relationship as she was truly sorry she did not follow her mind by letting the past stay in the past. Five months later they split up over Neil’s constant nagging her about her past. Six weeks later she found out she was pregnant.

The question is: Was Neil playing fair by interrogating Ollie about her past?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “When you start a new Relationship, should you be a “Tell All” about your past relationships?”

What’s this business of training someone in a relationship?

Kyle & Leona & Mark

Kyle came home from work with his buddy Mark and found the house to be extremely dirty for some reason. Actually Kyle’s wife Leona was not really a tidy housekeeper. This has been a major problem in the marriage of the past 3 years.

Kyle and Mark were in the family room talking about this problem that has plagued him since their marriage. Mark began telling him that he had the same problem and ended up having to train his wife. He shared a number of methods and strategies with him as Kyle actually started to take notes. Kyle was really in to this. He questioned Mark as to whether the strategies and methods really worked, and of course Mark swore by them. He even stated his wife gave him resistance at times but he insisted and put his ‘foot’ down and got her in line.

As a matter of fact he boasted about it to Kyle. Kyle became very excited about this and told Mark his plans to start training Leona tonight. During their talk, Kyle and Mark felt confident as Leona did not appear to be home yet from work.

Shortly after this Mark left Kyle’s home and encouraged him to handle his business and get his wife in line. Kyle assured him he would do just that and thanked him. Kyle put his notes away and thought of his first plan of approach when Leona comes home.

Kyle spent some time in the backyard after Mark left and later came in and saw Leona in the kitchen. They greeted each other as usual and talked about the niceties of the day at work etc. While still in the kitchen, Kyle told Leona he had some things on his mind that he wanted to talk to her about. She stopped what she was doing to give him her undivided attention.

He started out by making demands on her to keep the house clean and started comparing her to other women and how they keep their homes clean and tidy. This ensued into a heated argument as Leona was clearly not feeling his attack and approach to her. As silence entered the kitchen for a space of 20 seconds, to Kyle’s surprise, Leona told him, “I overheard your little training conversation with Mark about training me. I can tell you now, that’s not going to work, as a matter of fact I’m going by my girlfriend so I can vent about you.” She packed a few things and left the house. Kyle felt somewhat like an idiot.

Question is: Did Mark’s ill advice on training cause or contribute to Kyle and Leona’s marital woes?….

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “What’s this business about training someone in a relationship?”

Are you jealous…

Ion and Jackie

Jackie and Ion have been married for 11 years with two (2) elementary aged children. They were both high school teachers. Ion had been teaching science for the past 8 years while Jackie has been teaching reading for the past 6 years.

Both in their late twenties were having difficulty meeting the monthly demands of their household expenses. Ion had expressed the idea of starting some type of business to help with their financial woes. Jackie thought at the time it would also be a good idea although she was skeptical. Ion spent a great deal of time discussing various ideas with Jackie who would often seem distracted and showing a lack of interest.

One day he told her he had plans to write a book in his subject area of science and make an attempt at marketing the book to various school districts. Again Jackie would hear him but seem to not have real interest in what he wanted to do. He tried desperately on multiple occasions to get her involved with him and what he was trying to accomplish for the both of them.

After going through a rejection process over and over again from her, he decided to do what he felt best and do the book on his own. Well, within a year he completed a very interesting and easy to understand science book for elementary school aged students. Six months after completing the book he became a registered vendor with several of the local school districts that actually lined up to purchase his books. He continued to do this while maintaining his teaching job.

He became very busy and within a short span of time very successful in turning their home financial situation around. Jackie on the other hand had not been very supportive throughout this process. As a matter of fact, Ion had to rely on the support of his close friends more so than his own wife. For some reason Jackie was starting to create a multitude of problems in their marriage namely over him being so busy and seeming to only care about the success of his book.

Ion did everything he possibly could to make her feel comfortable at all times, despite his efforts this was never enough. She would still find reason to complain.

One day out of frustration she threatened him with divorce. He told her if that’s what she wanted he would not contest it because he had also had enough. She told him the only way she would change her mind is, if he gave up the business with his books. He told her he had worked too hard for them to throw in the towel now on a business that was clearly improving their financial woes as well as their lifestyle.

Within three (3) years the couple had divorced and now Jackie was miserable and Ion was having the success of his life. He continued to be very involved with his children.

Question is: Did Jackie’s lackadaisical behaviors ultimately contribute to her negative attitude towards Ion’s success bring destruction to their marriage?

Which brings us to tonight’s topic: “Are you jealous of your spouse or significant other’s success?”